I Like Maxims That Don't Encourage Behavior Modification.

Like a fine aged wine, this post is coming to you long matured and ripe for the.....tasting? I realize after reading a few of my older posts that I swore to you an oath, that I would not back burner this blog. That I would make it a priority and I would stop making excuses. Well my friends, all two of you who read this, I have yet again failed you, and I in no way expect you to even read this apology since this blog has been lying dormant for so long I would expect you have tossed it to the wayside and moved on to bigger and better things. But Alas! Not all hope is lost, for I have returned, and am now beginning to write again, and hope to be doing so more frequently (not like I have anything else better to do who am I kidding?) Ok enough with my whining and apologizing, back to business!!!

So for me to update you on all of the happenings in my life since Thanksgiving and now would be impossible in one short blog post, plus none of it is at all very interesting, so I will give you the short, sweet, and mostly hilarious bits of my life for you to enjoy.

I am a recent college grad (having walked back in May) and I am now happily employed by a Minor League Baseball team, which for those of you familiar with the industry know can be very ridiculous in its own right and for those less familiar, I can assure you that if you do continue to keep up with me you will quickly understand what I am talking about.

For example a few months ago we had a new intern begin with us here and just to kind of break him into life as a minor leaguer, as those of us in the industry call ourselves, by initiating him with a little light hazing. Nothing crazy like this (be warned these stories are mildly disturbing and laced with idiocy) but just some good ole' fashioned scavenger hunt for your game day attire one day before your first home game. Nothing that would scar the poor kid for life, just some light teasing that would put him on edge for a bit before his first big day.

With the help of a few other staff members I sent him on an exciting hunt through our stadium. Visiting many locations from the home locker room, to the kitchen, all the way to the edge of the stadium to our kids fun zone where a "clucking steed" (which is an oddly placed running chicken set among the horses on the carousel) gave him his final clue to the whereabouts of his "kidnapped" shirts.  I will give credit where credit is due, he really took the whole thing in stride and even went as far as keeping all of the sticky notes with the clues on them and displaying them at his desk.

Well that's it for now. Like I said I am going to do my best to get to doing this more often and I appreciate everyone who does take the time to read these and I will continue to try to entertain you with stories and little funny parts of my life. Thanks for stopping in!

I'm Not Dumb. I Just Have a Command of Thoroughly Useless Information

Alright this is my last excuse/apology entry. I swear it to you!!!! I can’t even begin to explain how much of a typical forgetful blogger I have become, and I hate it. So I have now made a promise to myself and to the two of you that read this blog that I will no longer put this on the back burner. I need a creative outlet and it’s about time I picked a good source.

Ok enough of my bull back to the good stuff. I am going to take it back a little since it has been so long since my last post, so please be patient and forgiving with me. 

Ever find yourself trapped in a drain pipe? Yeah….it is not the best experience in the world. This thanksgiving, as is customary, I was playing football with my family while celebrating Turkeyday in Georgia at my cousin’s house. I threw a pass a bit too far out in front of my brother and it fell harmlessly incomplete a few feet away from him, or so I thought. From where I was I couldn’t see the drain that it was bouncing towards but I heard a chorus of “grab its” and “oh nos” as I ran to see what everyone was yelling about. 

After a careful investigation I discovered that the perfect pass that I threw that my cousin couldn’t handle and rolled down a hill and into a storm drain. Now since the ball had a mind of its own, it couldn’t stop close to either of the ends, no it stopped directly in the middle of the stupid drain. Luckily this drain wasn’t extremely long, probably about 30 feet long and looked large enough for someone to fit in. The drain was less than inviting though, filled with water and grass a quite dark. Needless to say no one was very eager to volunteer. I felt slightly responsible for this unfortunate incident, seeing as I threw a beautiful pass to my cousin who was only four feet tall and my pass was meant for a six foot receiver, but I don’t want you to get lost in the details. So I entered the abyss. I got about 5 or 6 feet in, and my shoulders got stuck. I couldn’t move at all, I tried my very hardest and couldn’t move an inch. So after about a minute of not moving my family finally noticed that I was stuck and grabbed me by my ankles and proceeded to have a tug-of-war with this drain pipe. After an epic struggle I was finally freed from my cylindrical tomb. Eventually we retrieved the ball but not without much effort.

So I found this new website recently that has on multiple occasions brought me to tears laughing so hard. I figured I should share it with you so you can enjoy it, if you haven’t already. It’s called damnyouautocorrect.com and it is easily one of the most funny sites I have ever had the privilege of wasting my time on. 

Well that is it for this week, I will return soon with more updates on my life and more nuggets of comedic genius.

A Little Bit Of House Keeping

So mu next post is coming shortly, I apologize again for taking so long between posts. The last few weeks of this semester have been a complete nightmare and I am glad to report that I will very soon have much more time to write. That being said this next post which will be up for only a few mins is for a project and is completely unrelated in any way to my blog, but nonetheless I am forced to use this venue for a grade. So if you read it, it is completely false and made up for a class. And as I said before, more posts to come!

Weekends Don't Count Unless You Spend Them Doing Something Completely Pointless

As I was sitting here thinking about what I should write for my second blog entry I quickly realized that I never really wrote an intro describing who I am and what this blog is truly about. So I figured I could devote most of this entry to doing just that. Also I want to apologize about taking so long between blog entries, as this blog is duly named after, reality continues to get in the way of me doing the things I really want to do and unfortunately my newly formed blog took some of the hits. But no more!!! I digress.

I am your average working college student. I have to juggle working towards my future while also working to be able to exist today. It is in my mind an insane thing to ask of any person, it’s almost like asking a professional athlete to practice while simultaneously playing and winning every regular season game in their respective sport. It is just not going to happen, but thousands of students are asked to do it each year. But this blog is not going to be me complaining all the time, that would be lame and I am sure no one would want to read it. I am a sports nut and play a lot of video games. So you can expect some sports stories in here every now and then and maybe your occasional amusing video game story, among other things.

If you have caught my cleverly placed Calvin and Hobbes references they perhaps you are as big a fan as I am. I find that these two trouble makers have provided me with the most important lessons in life. From procrastinating to fighting aliens on foreign worlds, Calvin’s life experiences have guided me in many areas of my life and I hope they will be reflected in this blog.

I apologize for taking a few weeks between entries and I give my word I will work harder to write more frequently and provide quality entertainment for all. 

Thanks for stopping in.

Reality Continues To Ruin My Life

Ever sit and think to yourself "reality continues to ruin my life"? Whoa!! Cheer up there champ, I am sure things aren't that bad. Hey you could be this guy. I know embarrassing right? Look life can be tough, but buck up kid things could be worse. Every day there are hilarious things that happen to other people and most importantly, they don't happen to you! I have devoted my time to scouring the internet and other popular sources of entertainment and find those hidden comedy treasures that will brighten your day. One of my favorite doctors shared this quote and I think it sums up how I feel about when worries and problems enter my life.
 

“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!” –Dr. Seuss
 

Yes when troubles come my way I knock em’ out of the park like Babe Ruth! So remember when you feel like life is pummeling you with shot after shot, stand tall, point to the bleachers, and knock that sucker with all you got. Remember that it takes (a number not agreed upon my scientists and doctors) muscles to frown and only (a slightly less but still not agreed upon number) of muscles to smile.
 

Now, let’s get to the good stuff shall we? I am going to be honest with you; if you don’t find this absolutely hilarious then you really don’t belong here. David Hasselhoff is singing and if that isn’t enough for you, this may be the worst music video of all time. Let’s be honest, when he was done shooting and watched the video before it debuted at what point did he say to himself, “yeah I want to be remembered for this.” That is not a legacy I would want to be remembered for.

Speaking of legacies I have another weird instance for you to ponder. Check out this passionate gamer. Probably seen by many as a super nerd this guy was not deterred and continued to play his beloved World of Warcraft until he found a major flaw, which he took straight to the game developers. It seems his devotion has paid off seeing as he will be forever enshrined as his own character in the “hallowed” halls of the clan Wildhammer. Maximus Decimus Meridius, the tenacious Roman general played by Russell Crowe in the movie Gladiator, I think said it best when he spoke to his troops saying “what we do in this life echoes in eternity.” The fact checking super fan seemed to understand this well, at least in the sense that nerds for generations will be envious of his new found fame. Stand tall and beware of carpal tunnel ye King of the Keyboard, and know that baring global computer meltdowns or an early apocalypse you have made a legacy that will outlast yourself.